From the time we are little children we are taught to be kind. To have kind words for others.
The adage we have heard repeated relentlessly, “If
you don't have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all" this applies to other people... But what about to ourselves? Why is it ok to have an inner dialogue of harsh, judgmental words towards ourselves?
We are our own worst critic.
Recently, I had an opportunity to speak with a friend's sixteen-year-old daughter. During the short conversation she shared with
me some of her inner dialogue. Not being enough, not feeling accepted by those around her, not being "good enough". As I reflected on that conversation, I wished there was a way to impress upon her - her value. How much
she is truly worth.
External acceptance and praise mean nothing unless the individual is prepared to not only hear it, but, to also believe it.
If our internal dialogue is peppered with, "Nothing good happens to me”, “I am overweight’, “I deserve this (whatever "this" is that we are observing as a negative) There
is not - nor can there be - room for the positive flow of life's abundance.
"We are what we eat" is true. If we garbage up daily on fast food - our health
suffers. If we turn that around into "We are that which we speak" is it not plausible that our psyche will suffer as well? By our own negative words, we create an internal, hidden wound that never quite heals.
As we grow older, listening to this banter with ourselves becomes second nature. Something that is with us - always. Every time we get dressed, have a job interview, go on a date - there is a conversation had with ourselves
about our inadequacies.
What do you suppose would happen if we changed the message?
If we changed
the way we view ourselves?
What would happen if, when the negative chatter began, we stopped it in its tracks? Replacing it with a positivity that we are not used to?
Ask yourself this, is the way you have been journeying along working for you? - OR - is there room for change?
Replace that guilt over a cluttered home with a positive thought of ’I deserve to have a wonderful space that is my home' - and then take the necessary steps to make that your reality
- because you do indeed deserve it. Replace that, 'I am too judgmental' with 'I do not judge therefore I am not judged' - and then stop yourself every time you begin judging another too harshly. You
will find your interaction with others will be more positive.
I have struggled with a negative inner dialogue my entire life. It is only within the last few years
that I have begun to realize the detrimental effects of constantly telling myself I am not worthy. I am at a place now, in my late forties, to be able to stop the banter and become comfortable
and at peace with who I am.
We will never speak to anyone more than we speak to ourselves in our head - we need to speak with the kindness we
usually reserve for others.
If only there was a way to impress upon a sixteen-year-old that it is so
very important to be your own best friend... she'd be ahead of the game.